Now, this is not about the end. This is about a beginning, an enlightenment. Death is part of life, ashes to ashes and all that. The fact is, however, that sometimes cancer will take our loved ones too soon. It is painful and sad, and very hard to bear.
I can honestly say, though, that the five weeks I spent with my mother before her death, were the most precious I have had and probably will ever know. It was such a privilege to be with her, and to have the time to get to know her as a woman and not just as my Mom.
I read extensively on palliative care and the hospice movement, so that we could implement this for Mom at home (weblinks at the end). The first thing to say is that Mom embraced hypnotherapy as a means of conquering her fear and panic about dying. Her pain was well controlled, she enjoyed eating and drinking, and woke each morning happy to be alive. This meant so much to us as we were drawn to her peace and calm.
Secondly, we discussed openly the process of dying. This is not appropriate for everyone, but Mom asked us to be honest with her and I promised to tell her when she was dying (although in the end, she knew and it was in her control). We planned Mom's funeral, chose hymns and prayers (Mom's favourite in another post).
We took the time to tell all the family and as many of Mom's friends as possible, that Mom was nearing the end. So many people made the effort to come and say good-bye, for which we were so grateful.
The close family prepared for Mom's death by making sure that we had said everything, and most importantly, we wanted Mom to know that we would be OK. Giving your loved one permission to die is a most precious final gift :
(Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley
Other helpful information :
End-of-life strategy to ensure quality care for dying patients - Nursing Times
http://www.nursingtimes.net 29 July2008
End-of-Life Care: Questions and Answers - National Cancer Institute
Letting Go: What should medicine do when it can't save your life?
Atul Gawande http://www.newyorker.com/ 02 August 2010