Can this be seen from outer space?

Remember when I said I made a list of Christmas gifts I'd like? Well, never mind. I did. And it included an owl box. This part of Surrey is home to tawny owls and I WANT ONE in my garden. Somehow, the instruction got a bit muddled and the largest ever owl box arrived!
 
Its a fantastic piece of workmanship, hand-made in Gloucestershire. It took two burly men to get it into the oak tree, using a system of pulleys and quite a bit of huffing and puffing.
The dogs and I were kept well away from the action, not even asked to be a pulley weasel. As in van weasel, loft weasel... Oh, never mind. Contact me if you don't know what I mean.
But, all's well that ends well. I am so happy with the box in the tree. I can't wait for a curious tawny owl to come and have a look. I hope it doesn't take too long.


Make time

Someone close to me wastes time moaning about having no time. It drives me mad. I spend my life making time and avoiding time thieves.
So, I have decided that my New Year's Resolution will be to 'make time'. Now, I don't mean meddling with the fourth dimension. I mean, we should all make time for the important things in life.
I never realised how much I could do before Mom got ill. My comfortable life was snatched from under my feet and overnight, my time was not my own. And yet, I still had to go to work, do experiments, teach, be nice to people, be nice to my husband! And believe me, there were days when I was exasperated with people around me, days when I wanted to yell at them 'Don't you know my mother is dying of cancer?'. 
One day I burst into tears as I was driving to work, and thought 'This is ridiculous, you need to get some counselling!'. To which I answered 'I would, but I don't have time for counselling, now pull yourself together'.
This year has made me think about priorities. There are clearly some things that are more important than others, we just have to keep a clear head, focus, and make a list! But above all, and I believe strongly in this, make time for loved ones. Its no good seeing somebody once a year at Christmas and presenting them with an extravagant gift that they don't want. Rather, make time during the year for a visit or a phone call. Keep in touch. None of us know when it will be too late.
Wishing you all a very happy, healthy 2012, filled with the love of family and friends.


Boxer agility?

I met a large old boy Boxer last week - called Lennox! Really! And it got me thinking. I have watched my crazy Boxers run, jump and box, the little one even does roly-poly's. But just try to get them to jump over a pile of logs or run through a hoop and they become very suspicious indeed. No way. Tempt them with a treat, the big one won't even look at me. Now, their basic commands are very good - sit, stay, wait, NO! They also know drop, down and walkies, but agility is not their thing. And to make things more difficult, they are so easily bored with repeat tasks. Some may say this is because they have small brains. I think they can't be bothered wasting good brainpower on entertaining me.
You see, they are very inventive dogs. The little one amuses himself with his own ball games. He uses the slopes and natural unevenness of the lawn to watch the ball run away from him, then pounces on it. The ball shoots out from under his paw, into a bush. He chases it, I can see his tail wagging and then his backside reverses out, triumphant dog with ball. Of course, it's not so good when he digs a hole in the lawn to drop the ball into, but on the bright side, it does mean that patch of lawn is well-aerated!
 The big one is most concerned with the neighbours' deliveries. He keeps a keen eye on who comes and goes and with what. And at this time of year, it's very busy round here.
That's why I suggested an afternoon nap. I've packed the toys back into the kennel, put the inside toys in and the outside toys out. The fire is lit, there is stereo-snoring. Boxer agility? Yes, but only in between naps!


RIP Sue Carroll

I was saddened to hear of the death of Sue Carroll from pancreatic cancer on Christmas Day. My thoughts and condolences to Sue's family and friends. I feel as though I knew Sue, although only from her newspaper columns and TV appearances. I always found her commentary honest and personal.

Sue Carroll, photo credit
I watched Sue's interview with Alan Titchmarsh in March, and was moved by her courage. Sue's cancer story was very sad. First, she was diagnosed with the same cancer which killed her father. Surgery was not possible due to the location of the tumours near a major artery. The chemotherapy caused her to have a stroke. 

Sue wrote about all of this and spoke openly at that time. She planned to live with her tumours for as long as possible, and as far as I know she continued to write her column and enjoy her friends and family.

Sue didn't so much have a battle with cancer, rather an agreement that she would carry on with her life and the tumours would just be there. Sadly, at some point the tumours broke that agreement and started their relentless march to the end.

Sue Carroll, RIP. You will be missed.

Take a walk on the Surrey side

Let's face it. Sometimes walking the dogs is the last thing I feel like doing. Especially at this time of year. I suddenly find the light going, I'm not finished my work and the dogs are waiting at the front door, quietly needling each other to forget they need a wee. Yesterday was no different, except it was the shortest day of the year and I was determined not to be late. 
We arrived at the same time as Charlie, a Basset hound, a very big and handsome boy. Charlie was in no hurry, and then Barney arrived so we left them to their dawdle and set off at our 20-minute mile pace. 
It was a lovely afternoon, quite mild and not wet. The sky cleared and would you believe it, we saw a wonderful sunset. Mind you, blink and you miss it mid-Winter. Shackleford Heath is above the Village, and Peper Harow lies below on the other side, so the sunsets are particularly good here. Apart from the top car park at Puttenham Common I don't know of another place around here to experience such a splendid sunset.
And walking on the Farm* this morning, in the bright sunshine, I couldn't have been happier. I've spotted some holly still with berries (maybe a bit high up for me!), so will be taking a tall man on the walk tomorrow to collect it for my Christmas table.

*We are very fortunate to have well signposted public footpaths and bridleways in this part of Surrey and I'm sure the dogs prefer to 'off-road', but please take care when there is livestock around. The sheep around here are lovely but don't like being chased by dogs!


Chatting is life...isn't it?

The lone male swimmer made a snide remark this morning. I don't think he was being mean but he could have kept his mouth shut. I was the last lady out of the pool, leaving just him thrashing about in his own space. I smiled and said how lucky he was to have the pool to himself, no kids no ladies and he replied NO CHATTING!
Now I know we do talk a lot, but we've got a lot to say. And there are six of us with busy lives and families, and none of us is a shrinking violet, either. So there is plenty of competition for 'air time'.
His comment got me thinking about how the past year would have been without these wonderful ladies to share Mom's illness with. I'm quite sure that I wouldn't have coped with it as well as I have if I hadn't been able to escape to the pool and have a bit of a chat. Perhaps that's why Dad is finding it a bit difficult, he hasn't got anyone to just chat to, it isn't a man-thing to chat without purpose or inhibitions. Well, it comes naturally to me.
I had a second reminder of the importance of telling people how you feel. I was thrilled to received a phone call from a friend in South Africa. She has been reading this blog and felt closer to us because of it. I am most encouraged by this, and by almost 500 of you who have read this blog this month! Thank you. 
But please remember that blogging, as with chatting, is a two-way communication, so please leave your comments and feedback. And follow the blog, or Twitter for updates.


Why is cancer always in the news?

A cancer story on the news always makes me stop and listen. I think it's because I'm hoping for that cure-all breakthrough. The one thing that will stop all cancers in their tracks. I know that's highly unlikely but that's the nature of the disease. And the cancer charities know it.

In truth, heart disease kills more people than all the cancers together. And it's not always treatable either and it can kill faster than cancer, too. The British Heart Foundation does fantastic work promoting healthy lifestyles and funding research, but it's clear that the media find that cancer survivor stories sell newspapers.
Well-being is ... watching waves wash up the beach,
Ka'anapali, Lesley Beeton
I'm torn here, as my recent research career has been in cardiovascular disease and I'm married to a cardiologist. But, my Mother died of small cell lung cancer, an aggressive disease, the treatment of which has not changed in twenty years. The prognosis for this type of cancer is six to eight months, Mom died after nine months. 

So, in answer to my question, I think cancer makes headlines because we fear it. We fear the treatment, the long journey back to well-ness. We fear losing our hair, being ill, not knowing who we are any more. 

And strangely, heart disease is less feared. Treatments and interventions have come on in leaps and bounds. Doctors seems to perform miracles with diseased heart muscle. And when medicine cannot help after a heart attack, we can say 'At least our loved one went quickly and didn't suffer'.

There are two other points to make before I end. First, many cancer patients also have complicated heart and/or other medical conditions which must be managed throughout the treatment for cancer. Secondly, cancer treatments can cause heart disease, although many are temporary and reversible.

Remember your heart health, live a balanced healthy lifestyle, understand how your family history of heart disease can affect you (I have blogged here on this too). Because heart disease is not just an old man's disease.


On Mogwai's and mud

If you’ve been reading the Dogsey blog you'll know that the dogs have been very bad while I’ve been very busy.

The weather hasn’t helped, first freezing cold then monsoon wet. The frozen dragon back on the muddy bridle path was a bit of a shock (I love this website of colouring in pages and dragon pictures), but I think I prefer that to the squelchy slip-sliding path of this morning.

And between these two extremes, the weather has been awful for dog-walking. Yesterday, I was surprised to see two other crazy dog walkers. I was a bit worried about Polo hurtling towards us; I didn’t think he would stop and we would all end up in the mud. At the last second he veered off onto another path – phew.


I wrapped the dogs in a big towel each in the back of the car (I always think they look like Mogwai’s when all wrapped up) and we made our way home, dreading having to go out again for the Village Carol singing. Madness.

I settled the boys down and off I went to collect the neighbours – hat, check, coat, check, wind-up torch, check. How do I look? Absolutely fine. Are you warm and dry? Yes, good. Let’s go. We arrived in a bedraggled group and there were others there already. Get tuned up, grab a Carol book, we’re off to the first stop. Five stops later and we were enjoying mulled wine and nibbles, shoes off, singing again. We must have done the entire repertoire of the recorder players at least twice.

Mulled wine downed, quick grab the right shoes, off home and out for dinner. It’s just that time of year, boys. Come Saturday, everything will be quiet and calm. We’ll all be with our families waiting for the feasting to start, looking forward to the Big Day. Love this time of year.

Happy Christmas!


Painless PhD?

I believe it can be done. You need a solid research question, an open mind and an engaging supervisor. The first two requirements are easy - they're down to the PhD student. Finding an engaging supervisor is far more difficult. 

Many students choose the project first then try to fit in with the supervisor. Big mistake, but oh so easily done, when funding for studentships is fiercely competitive. How can you say no, that one's not for me.

A good student will always be offered more than one studentship, and that means you can interview the supervisors too. Remember, supervisors are human. Could that dismissive attitude be because her son is ill? Or needs picking up from school? Perhaps talk of money is uncomfortable. Academics aren't made of money either, so be realistic with your expectations.

But what if you aren't offered a selection of studentships? How do you make the best of the bad bunch? This takes an enormous amount of skill, time and effort. Managing your supervisor is the most important skill you need to master in the first three months of your PhD. 

Think before you go to see your supervisor. Can you solve the problem on your own? Do you really need their input at this stage? And when you do go, make sure you have critically analysed the problem, present it clearly with your thoughts on how to resolve issues. Be flexible with your availability too. Academic supervisors have all kinds of pressure on them - research, teaching, admin, not to mention grant writing.

And if it all goes wrong, it doesn't have to be the end of the line. Be open with yourself about what the problems are. Sometimes talking things over with a mentor or a colleague will show you that there is a way forward. Sometimes, finding another project is the only way. (I found this website useful, too).


But this doesn't have to be negative. Admitting you have made a mistake takes courage. Moving on and making sure you don't make the same the mistake twice takes strength of character. And most PhD students have both these attributes in buckets. Attaining a painless PhD takes a thick skin, determination, clear thought, fast reading and lots of fun. Good luck!


Do you remember when?

Life was so simple then. Decisions were made for you. Mom and Dad were around for cuddles. When did I grow up and become the responsible adult of the family? It must have been sometime between Christmas Eve and the August Bank Holiday weekend. Sometime between Mom's first chemo and the day she died, I took over, stood up strong and grew up.
I think it was painful, but as with all pain, the body has an amazing way of blanking it out. It's all part of the coping strategy, thank goodness. And boy, did I need to cope. So much to do. Mom's things to sort out and take to the charity shops, her Estate to deal with. Comforting Dad, thanking Mom's friends and carers. Explaining to my brother how Mom had died and what happens next.
special friend showed me this website which has five important lessons for looking forwards.
I wish I didn’t work so hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends 
I wish that I had let myself be happier
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
We often say, life was better then. I don't think that's true. Life was different then. And life is good now. We need to grow up and focus on the important things in life. Remember to say 'I love you'. Be tolerant of each other, especially at Christmas when families are together, because life is fragile and precious. So instead of saying 'Do you remember when?' why not say 'Tomorrow will be a great day'. 

All I want for Christmas...

I've got a list. I've checked it twice. Actually, I've checked that it's all been bought too. But there is something not on the list. Something I couldn't write down. Something in my heart.
All I want for Christmas is a day of happy memories, and looking forward to the New Year. A year of good health, new adventures and lots of love.
Oh, and friendship. More of the wonderful friendship I have enjoyed this year. In spite of everything, something beautiful flourished this year. A warm and enduring friendship that will last a lifetime. Priceless. Can't put that on a Christmas list. 
What's on your list in your heart?


My wellie ate my sock

Well, that makes a change from my dog ate my sock. But it was just as annoying. Halfway round our usual afternoon walk, I started to feel a hard lump in my boot. I wiggled my toes, scrunched my foot, stomped around, but couldn't shift it. My long wellie sock had been well and truly eaten by my wellie boot. Just the left one had gone; hadn't yet started on the right one. 
I tried to roll the top of my boot down far enough to each the top of my sock, no good. I considered taking off my boot to retrieve my sock, but how do I do that hopping on one leg holding on to two Boxers? Impossible.
So I decided to walk on and ignore the increasing bump, almost walking on the toes of my left foot. I must have looked quite a sight. Even the dogs looked at me funny. Oh, what the heck, they're just dogs and there was no one else around.
That's the fun of walking in the woods. It's quiet and if we do meet anyone else they're often just as strange as we are. That's dog walkers for you.


NORMAL SERVICE RESUMED

I'm pleased to say that everyone is well today. Big big dog was up early, waiting for his run. Little big dog had a lie-in until the front door opened then shot out. Afterwards, they helped me feed the birds, re-stack the wood pile after the wind blew it over in the night, pack the wood basket for tonight, inspect the painting started yesterday, and generally being very amiable doggy companions. 
So it's a croissant for me, and a pat on the back.


Poorly dog

My little big dog has aortic stenosis. He was born that way and is mostly OK. He is my special little one, but he's as hard as nails. He was a bit off colour this morning, nudging me in the kitchen and then helping himself to my bed after my husband had left for work. I thought he might be a bit hot, so we went outside to play.

It was a beautiful morning, and he was fine with the ball games as usual. He and the big big dog then played tug-o'-war happily together while I completed the mandatory 30 minutes on the treadmill in the summerhouse. I started a new painting and they sat at my feet. 

Then, the demon gardener arrived. He works next door and is quite a challenge. I can't say I like him and I know the dogs haven't warmed to him either. He arrives with a toot in his huge 4x4, roaring down the driveway. Then makes a real spectacle of collecting the bins and recycling boxes, whistling and banging as he goes. After that comes the lawn mower up the tarmac driveway to pick up leaves! and more leaf blowing, all the way into the road.

The dogs bark at him. And he shouts back. I've asked him not to acknowledge the dogs, I don't think he understood. So, if I'm around I stand at the fence, making sure the dogs are otherwise occupied and he keeps well away. 

But I was miles away with my painting today. I kept an eye on things and it seemed OK, then the barking and running in circles started. The two dogs egging each other on, until the little big one collapsed.

I had stopped to watch and saw his back legs go, then he toppled over onto his side, convulsing and frothing. The big big dog was alarmed and so was I. I held his head, his eyes rolled back and his tongue was pale. He was down for about a minute but it felt like an age.
I do hope this isn't the start of poor health for him. The vet said his murmur is getting louder but there is nothing we can do about it. He is such a lovely dog and even wanted his walkie this afternoon. We just had a short walk and now he is asleep in the lounge. What a day.


Let's talk about dying

I have been looking at other cancer blogs and forums and have noticed something quite disappointing. They are filled (quite rightly) with inspirational survivor stories and battle cries, but are lacking in discussions on death and dying. The two largest cancer support organisations have produced practical booklets but there are few opportunities to open up anonymously about how you are feeling following a bereavement. In our case, the GP says 'a significant bereavement'.

When I first started talking and writing about Mom's death from cancer I was amazed at how many people wanted to talk to me. Many had questions they had been too afraid to ask, too afraid of the answers. I had encouraging feedback too from a letter I published in the local newspaper, in praise of local end of life care services in our area.

I set about writing this blog, to document my own thoughts and to provide a forum for other families. The thing is, we still don't like to talk about death. And we sure as heck don't like to think about our own mortality. Cancer is a different disease for everyone but the one thing that all cancer patients have in common is having to confront their mortality. And that is devastating.
So let's talk about dying, it helps us prepare and it can ease the pain of bereavement. Whilst there are incredible success stories in cancer treatment, many people still die from cancer. It would be wrong to avoid talking about death in order to not upset those brave and hopeful people going through treatment, but for many people there will come a time when the brave thing to do is to talk about dying.

My thoughts are with you all.



I AM MYSELF

It's been a long time since I felt this way. For the past year I have been defined first by Mom's illness, then by her death and finally by Dad's grief. I woke up one morning this week, with Christmas shopping done, cards written and dinner party planned, and thought 'At last, I am myself'.
But it's not the same me as last year. I'm a more sensitive, grown-up, tolerant me. That's a good thing. I watched and learned a lot from Mom's carers. Completely selfless and dedicated women with their own families and worries, doing the most difficult job caring for a terminally ill stranger. 
A good friend told me about her own struggle with her elderly parents. Her Mum is being cared for in a home and her Dad is barely managing to live independently on his own. She is torn between her daughters and her husband and her parents, and it feels as though she has all the juggling balls up in the air at the same time and is about to drop them all. I really feel for her, it will be a long time before she is herself again. 


SMUG OF SHACKLEFORD

I'm almost afraid to say it, but I'm ready for Christmas! I've bought all the gifts and written all the Christmas cards. I even posted the cards for oversees destinations before the last posting date! I found a supplier in the High Street for all the gift bags and bows, so no wrapping as such, just gorgeous little bags of delight. I have given my wish list to my husband and my father, together with links to the right size, style and colour, and overseen said purchases, so I won't be surprised by things I don't want or need. I haven't been greedy, but I have chosen well, even if I do say so myself.
(I should say at this point that the gift purchases I have made include fourteen(!) small, individual gifts under £10 for each of the staff working with my husband at the hospital and a special gift for each of his secretaries. I'd be happy to tell you what and where from....)
And then there was the dinner party last night. A very pleasant pre-Christmas affair, not a turkey or mince pie in sight. We invited good friends and neighbours who have helped us this year and to top off the evening I brought out my home-made chocolates. I even found time to make a festive table piece with holly and gold ribbon.
The dogs were mostly well-behaved although the big big dog was a bit too friendly and I noticed a lot of dog hair on dark trousers as our guests were leaving. Oh well, some people have children, we have dogs.
Thank goodness it's cool and wet this morning, perfect for tidying up and putting the Noritake away. The dogs seems very tired, content to lie-in as long as necessary. I am watching the man of the house pick up the last of leaves from next-door's oak tree, the dogs are doing their usual supervision of garden tasks. Dad has been organised for the day, the house is clean and quiet. I am a domestic goddess after all. Bliss.


A SIMPLE ACT OF REMEMBRANCE

Dad and I did a lovely thing together today. We were invited by two local organisations to hang a tag in memory of Mom on their Christmas trees. Each tree already had many other tags but there was still space for our memory. We spent some time reading the other tags, the fond memories of loved ones. It was so moving. 
Afterwards we sat together and had coffee and set up Dad's Christmas tree. It's lovely to have light and colour in the house at this time of year. I hope it will be of some comfort to Dad.
It got me thinking about what other families do throughout the year to keep the memory of departed loved ones alive in their hearts. I'd love to hear from you, if you do something special that could also help other families.



A GHOST IN THE WOODS

It's been such a busy week and every day I seem to walk the dogs later and later. It doesn't help that the days are getting shorter and shorter at the moment. We only set out at dusk today, the (almost) full moon was rising.  We saw a ghostly figure in the woods. Of course, I know he's not a ghost, he's one of the village people. No, not one of The Village People (you have to be over 40 to remember them, 'Y-M-C-A' .... Christmas party on my mind!), but one of the elderly residents of the village. 
The dogs think differently. He unnerves them, moving quietly through the undergrowth and appearing as if from nowhere. The first time I saw him I had to stifle a scream (shivers at the thought), then asked the font of all knowledge in the village who he is. He lives in the big house where Midsomer Murders is sometimes filmed - really! Spooky!
Anyway, I know what he's up to in the woods. I've seen him. He's leaving food for the foxes. It's an eclectic diet he serves for them. Sometimes cake, or chips, rice or bread. I have to stop my guzzlers from diving in there. I'm not sure I have sympathy for his cause. Last winter, whilst walking the dogs in the snow, we were followed by a hungry vixen. She wasn't aggressive but she watched us carefully to see if we dropped anything - as if! Surprisingly, the dogs weren't bothered at all. Perhaps they recognised a kindred spirit. 
We do enjoy our daily adventures - why not tell me about your dog walking adventures?


Cellular communication

No, nothing to do with a cell phone, because before mobiles or cell phones there was a time when this only meant cell to cell interaction within an organ or tissue. This important cellular behaviour drives diverse functions from contracting myocytes in heart muscle to effecting action potentials in nerves.

We can visualise these fascinating events in the laboratory ex vivo (in cells outside of a living body). For example, immortalised cardiac myocytes can be cultured in a monolayer in a petri dish. A stimulant introduced into one cell causes that cell to contract. This stimulates the adjacent cell to contract, and so on, mimicking the heart beat. This can be seen microscopically and contributes to our better understanding of the function of this important tissue.

Similarly, action potentials in nervous tissue can be measured and studied by subjecting ultra-thin sections of tissue to chemical modulators in solution. Sensitive electrophysiology equipment detects the release of neurotransmitters from neurons in the tissue slice and complex algorithms translate this effect into an audible thump. It's really amazing to hear this happening in the lab, these are very elegant experiments indeed.

A different kind of communication is seen in the immune system, where antigen presenting cells identify foreign bodies, such as bacteria, and 'show' them to the T lymphocyte cells which effect an immune response. Where this system is compromised or overwhelmed, an infection can set in, for example pneumonia, which requires a trip to the doctor for antibiotics.

And who said cell biology was just a pretty face?


Why am I not surprised?

This reported today in Nature. I'm afraid that I rather expected this after I saw the interview with Dr Kat Arney on Sky News yesterday morning. Cancer Research UK released a rather nothing report about the risk factors for cancer - smoking, drinking, obesity, lack of exercise and not eating enough fruit and veg. Eamonn Holmes tried hard to get to what's new in the report and eventually Dr Arney acknowledged what scientists have known for some time - there is a strong gene-environment interaction with many cancers. This means that 40% of all types of cancers in men and women are related to lifestyle choices, but by no means accounts for the majority of cancers.

Aside from emphasising these important risk factors, the only other benefit I could determine was getting Cancer Research UK into the headlines. It's been a tough few years for all charities, and medical charities are no different. Indeed, my own research career is subject to the vagaries of funding from these important bodies. We were warned of the impact of the austerity measures on research and it boiled down to this - no new funding for any research groups other than those at top institutions for some time (rumour has it around 12-15 months). 

Keeping the charity in the news, even with old news, will prompt donors into action, especially at this time of year. Cynical? Hell yes!


Proteins unmixed

Picture yourself inside an ordinary cell in your body. I say ordinary, obviously all cells are special, but some do rather more specialist jobs, like neurons or macrophages. Anyway, find a quiet spot in the cytoplasm of the cell and slowly do a 360 degree turn to take in all the complex structures around you. Do you see them? The Golgi apparatus, the endoplasmic reticulum, the nuclear membrane? What do they all have in common - proteins! 

Yes, cells are made of proteins, a few lipids, and quite a bit of nucleic acid. But proteins are everywhere. See the receptors on the cell surface, see the transport proteins moving into the nucleus, see the protein complexes called ribosomes on DNA, transcribing the genetic material. Once the code has been transcribed, proteins are built up from amino acids, each amino acid being translated from three bases of nuclear material.

And these proteins (imagine egg white!) do all sorts of jobs around the cell. For example, enzymes are proteins too. When you bite into a sandwich amylase is released into the saliva from cells in your mouth. An enzyme known as amylase breaks down the starch in the sandwich making it easier for digestion. Useful, don't you think?

The clever thing is that all these proteins, hormones, enzymes, chemical messengers and receptors exist in happy chaos in the milieu of the cell. They all 'know' their place and function and at the right time are ready to exert their actions. They become 'unmixed' and gloriously useful. Yeah for proteins.



GO BACK TO YOUR BED!

What's up with this dog? Does he have ants in his pants? He seems to sleep with both ears open and is very sensitive to owls and foxes calling out in the night. Well, that's OK. He'll probably be a good guard dog. But he needs to be a bit more discerning. It's no good him waking me up for any little thing. I only want to be woken when there is a real problem. A burglar, a fire, a tree fallen down on the summerhouse (OK, I hope the last one never happens but its a windy day today!).
I am a light sleeper, my husband sleeps like a log, on his back, gently flapping his lips in a nasal way, if you know what I mean! So when the smallest of the big dogs tiptoes to our bedroom, guess where he goes first. Yup, it's nose to nose, nose to toe, nose under the duvet. Then, a whine or two, pawing at the carpet, and finally, a loud fart!
Well, by that time I'm wide awake so I get up and let him out. He's not desperate for a wee. He wants to run and play down the bottom of the garden, sniffing the air for the scent of pheasant, or some other woodland creature. Eventually, he tires of that and wanders back in. The big big dog hasn't moved at all. He's very happy in his warm bed.
When it's full moon, he's particularly restless. I can just about rouse myself to growl 'Go back to your bed!', and mostly he turns tail and tic-tacs back to his fireside position. But by then I'm wide awake.




UPDATED : RIGHT TO DIE?

Updated 06 January 2012
I had to update my post to comment on the continuing debate on right to die, this time sponsored by Sir Terry Pratchett. The headline in The Sun today says 'Let us all die with dignity and comfort'. I agree. But there is another way, if assisted dying is not for you, or one of your loved ones.
Compassion in Dying is one place to get more information on the choices facing a terminally ill loved one. It is a difficult time for everyone, but with love and courage, dying at home with dignity is not only possible, it is positive.


I was so sad to hear Geraldine McClelland's story on Sky News today. To Geraldine's friends and family, my heartfelt condolences on your loss.
I too lost my Mom to lung cancer this year, and I would like to say to other cancer sufferers and their families that there is another way. This post is not a debate about assisted suicide - I cannot possibly say how I would have felt in Geraldine's situation. My post today is about our positive and dignified approach to my Mom's death.
Mom was only 66 and was not ready to die. Mom's type of lung cancer was caused by years of smoking as a young woman, growing up in the 50s and 60s, when smoking was considered stylish and cosmopolitan. Back then, Mom had everything. She had her own car, and expected all mod cons when she and Dad married and moved into their first home. Mom worked until she was 63 and was very happy to be retired, planning all the things she wanted to do and places she wanted to see.
Mom's cancer took her life in nine short months. These were desperate times for us, but Mom did come to terms with her terminal illness. And because of that we were able to plan for her death. We never considered assisted suicide. Mom opted to die at home and we were supported by several agencies and wonderful people, who we called 'Mom's angels'. Mom signed a do not attempt resuscitation order under her GP's guidance. The District Nurse team provided a hospital bed, commode, nursing and caring skills at home. It was explained to us the options for increasing Mom's pain relief as her death approached. This included the use of a syringe driver, simply an injection of pain relief given over 12 or 24 hours. Mom didn't want this and it was never used.
Mom was helped by an incredible hypnotherapist and towards the end of her life, she was clear about her wishes, wrote letters to everyone and planned her funeral. She was also calm and pain free. I had five beautiful weeks with Mom at the end of her life, so precious, and I am so grateful for that opportunity.
On the day Mom died, she had said her goodbyes and we had all given permission for her to go. I don't think she knew how bad her disease had become, but the cancer had grown out of her back, she had lost the use of her right arm and she could hardly see. She was conscious and could hear us but couldn't speak. Her clinical team wanted to give her pain relief through the syringe driver. Mom indicated NO! to us and died quietly within the hour.
Afterwards, we picked flowers from her garden and laid them on her body.
The point is, Mom confronted her fear of dying. And through the support of her GP and District Nursing team and hypnotherapy, Mom was a delight and a pleasure to care for. She enriched our lives. I urge families to ask for help. There is another way, and it can be beautiful and pain-free and dignified.


STUFF MY DOG RUINED!

OK, I have to credit the Daily Mail here. Brilliant! I have one of those mad dogs who quietly chews things. Last week I had to throw the butter away, because he licked it. The grown-ups weren't paying attention and when I looked again, he was drooling over it.
Then, he ate Grandpa's Christmas present. Not the whole thing, just nibbled the corner off and left the pieces on the bed in case it can be fixed! It can't, and there are none left in stock either so Grandpa is getting a dog-chewed present.
And tonight, I brought in the logs for the fire and couldn't believe it - the dog had helped himself to the kindling and had chewed it in his bed.
I have thought about whether he is lacking something in his diet; I hope not because my pampered pooches only eat Hill's Science Plan. There doesn't seem to be a pattern to the chewing either. He is well exercised. And he wasn't like this as a puppy. I have checked his gums too in case he has a problem with his mouth - it all looks good in there.
So I can only conclude that it is my fault. You see, I give them a treat box every day when I leave the house. They have to open the box to get to the treats. The boxes are old margarine and butter tubs! He probably thinks I'm such a good Mummy providing all these wonderful, exciting and new treats.
I knew it, he's not a bad dog, I am a bad owner. Must do better.



CHEMO OR NO CHEMO?

Perhaps I'm just more attuned to it, but I seem to be hearing this in all sorts of places. And it's making newspaper headlines, too. I think it's right that everyone has the opportunity to discuss all treatments options, and I do understand the toxic effects of chemotherapy, so it's not to be undertaken lightly. But what are the alternatives? Change your diet? Meditate? Exercise? Yes, all three are useful but what of the big cancer-beating treatment? The one thing that will whack those cells into submission. If you've had surgery and radiotherapy and the tumours are still there, chemotherapy can offer the next line of treatment. 
And in Mom's case, the first three rounds of chemo were well-tolerated, reduced the size of the tumours by half and kept the paraneoplastic symptoms at bay, so that Mom could enjoy life, have a holiday and not think about having cancer for a few months.
The fact that it didn't work in the end is something we have come to terms with, but on balance I would still say I am satisfied with the chemotherapy protocol Mom followed, and I am grateful for those months with Mom.
The problem is that the oncologists are so busy and often only the registrar is available in clinic, so discussion is limited. And there is limited funding for staff to spend as much time as needed with patients and their families. That's partly why I started this blog, to try to raise awareness of the options, the questions to ask, where to get help, and for others to know that so many families are going through the same thing. It doesn't have to be a struggle, God knows the treatment is bad enough.
Stay positive, listen to your body, surround yourself with love and don't forget the treats.



Guest post: exercise against cancer

One of the great things about blogging is connecting with like-minded people all over the world. Quite by chance, David Haas read my blog and asked if he could guest post. Check out David's credentials here and read his post below. Thanks, David.


Link


Benefits of Exercise in Your Fight Against Cancer


When you’ve been given a cancer diagnosis, the last thing you often feel like doing is exercising. Cancer treatment can also sap your energy. Chemotherapy, in particular, causes patients to feel run down—rather than feeling like running around the block. Exercise, however, can help ease the stress of going through cancer. The body fat reduction you get as a result of exercise can even lower your risk of recurrence of some types of cancer.

Each stage of the cancer journey can produce intense amounts of stress. When your doctor first gives you a cancer diagnosis and every time you wait to receive a test result, the stress hormones adrenalin and cortisol course through your system. Your body is preparing a fight-or-flight response, but the enemy lies unseen inside your body. When adrenalin and cortisol surge, your body wants to move, and the action of moving causes your stress hormones to recede. Exercise also stimulates the body’s production of endorphins, which naturally help relieve pain and elevate your mood.

Some people find rhythmic and repetitive exercises such as jogging or using an elliptical machine to be especially relaxing. Harvard Medical School’s newsletter calls this type of exercise “muscular meditation.” Some patients whose cancers involve the lungs, such as pleural mesothelioma and lung cancer patients, may find intense exercises too taxing during treatment. These patients can still benefit from a walking program or Tai Chi, with its slow, graceful movements.

Some cancer patients prefer the same kinds of sports they would use if they were being physically attacked. When they engage in sports like martial arts or kickboxing, they envision themselves beating cancer into submission. As patients become physically stronger, they feel stronger to fight against cancer as well.

While exercise isn’t a cure, it can help prevent a recurrence of some types of cancer. Body fat produces the female hormone estrogen, which often plays a role in developing breast cancer. Exercise causes people to lose body fat and produce less estrogen. One medical journal, Cancer Epidemiology Biomarkers and Prevention, cites recent studies that show a link between high body mass index and other types of cancers, too. Besides breast cancer, obesity is associated with a heightened risk of ovarian, endometrial, colorectal, thyroid, renal, gall bladder, pancreatic, and esophageal cancers. In addition, multiple myeloma, non-Hodgkins lymphoma, leukemia and adenocarcinoma all have a correlation with obesity.

David Haas 2011


WHAT'S IN A NAME?

I wanted to call our boxer George, but as that is my father-in-law's name my husband was not best pleased. We should have called him Winston. He looks quite Churchillian with a raw hide stick in his big squishy face. I wonder if dog owners think about how it will sound when you call out 'Bimbo' as your large out of control labradoodle bounds away out of sight? Yes, really.
Then there's 'Mutley' who is also some sort of poodle cross, who gets about all over the village. It can be a bit frightening when he dashes out of the bush followed closely behind by a boy on a bicycle hurtling down the path. My husband regularly meets 'Jaffa' and 'Louis', two delightful black labs with a very English gentlemen farmer-owner. And then there's the two golden labs - 'Misty' who keeps Grandma company and 'Lola' who doesn't like to walk! And 'Merc' the farm border collie who wasn't named after a make of car!
I like them all. Life wouldn't be the same without the dog variety in the village. Imagine the pandemonium if we had a dog show at the village fete next year? Now don't get any ideas.....


MOM'S GARDEN

One of Mom's very good friends reminded me this week of Mom's love for gardening. She loved flowers and she was as colourful as her garden. But Mom was also a gardener of people. She gathered her friends around her and helped them bloom. She cared deeply for them and nurtured the relationships, keeping in touch, remembering birthdays and important family events. In fact, Dad and I are struggling to keep this up with the apparent ease that Mom did. She had an incredible memory for names, dates and places.

And in the garden, Mom was no different. She had wonderful ways with plants and colours, and had two huge volumes of plant information. She was always on hand to pass on gardening advice to us and never minded getting her hands dirty. 

I have been a late starter with gardening, but I'm getting there and have learnt a lot in the last year. I have also learnt that special friendships, nurtured and cherished, will last a lifetime, but Mom already knew that.


TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

My uncle passed away suddenly four weeks before Mom succumbed to her cancer. He was not unwell and had been watching the Springboks lose to the All Blacks. He suffered a massive heart attack which was complicated by a weakened aortic wall. Despite extensive surgery, over a number of hours, the surgeons could not save his life. He died without saying his final goodbyes to his assembled family. His daughters are my age and I felt so desperately sad for their loss. They never had time to say goodbye.

I know that Mom hated her illness and was so frightened of her diagnosis. But as the months went on and Mom came to accept her situation, I felt so privileged to have the time together. Of course, nothing can ease the pain of bereavement but Mom's death was uncomplicated and peaceful, at home. We had said everything we needed to say.

Two important things helped us. One, Mom's GP and District Nurse helped Mom to sign a Do Not Resuscitate order. This meant that if the paramedics were called to the house, they would know that Mom didn't want to die in hospital and did not want any resuscitation or intervention. And two, as Mom's death approached the nurses took Dad and I through the Liverpool Care Pathway. We sat calmly with a cup of coffee, away from Mom as she was semi-conscious but could still hear. This topic was covered by Danny Pike on BBC Surrey today.

The pathway is designed to make sure that the family understands what is about to happen and to bring in any other support that may be required. It was very comforting and positive, and we were prepared when Mom stopped breathing. Afterwards, it was so quiet. We had no more words, nor did we need any.


World Aids Day

Following on from RNA Unplugged, it is timely to mention the Human Immunodeficiency Virus or HIV. HIV is the virus which causes AIDS and is an RNA virus. When this virus enters the human cell its genome is converted (reverse transcribed) into cDNA by a virally encoded enzyme in the virus particle. Viral cDNA is imported into the cell nucleus and integrates with the host DNA, and starts to replicate itself.

When I first started working in research, HIV was almost unheard of. There were rumours that it had started with a homosexual lab worker who had accidentally engineered this retrovirus. The rumour went even further to say that said worker had gone to the States to be a pig farmer!  

No matter how it started, the AIDS epidemic continues to be a world-wide phenomenon, and there is still a stigma attached to being diagnosed HIV positive. Indeed in Africa, centuries of tribal culture continue to be the focus of many AIDS campaigns.

Recently, I was reminded of the great work that Annie Lennox has done to raise awareness of the AIDS epidemic at home and abroad.

And yet again, it's that clever RNA molecule at work.