What is the point of my blog? Am I blogging in the wind? Does anyone care? Sometimes, it feels as though I'm in a dream (or nightmare), shouting my loudest but no sound comes out. And yet, the newspapers are full of the same stories, so I know people want to read about, but just not interact with it. Death and dying.
There was this last week. And today there is this in The Guardian, tweeted by @DyingMatters. I know this. Anyone who has lost someone to cancer should know this. A fellow Mumsnet blogger and her Mum have already decided this. In many, NOT all cases, cancer treatment is futile. It makes you ill, robs you of a quality of life, gives you false hope.
Let's be clear. We are grateful that the oncologist looking after Mom thought it was worth a try of chemo, and in her case, it did stabilise her and gave us four extra months with her. But when we were told that the tumours had not responded and that there was a marginal chance with another chemo regime, we thought long and hard and decided against it.
A hypnotherapist worked with Mom. We were lucky to have a doctor in the family to guide us. We talked about death, and Mom's wishes. We were prepared. But here's the crucial thing, Mom's own oncologist and her GP did not have the balls to talk to her about death. Shame on them. They should have.
I thank God every day that my husband (a doctor) gave us the insight to deal with Mom's death. So, as long as you are reading, even if you don't feel able to comment, please know that you are not alone. I do know how you feel.