There is some rather unpleasant history between Mr B's family and I. It goes back 21 years and I will always feel rather sad and disappointed at the way they reacted to our relationship. I do make an effort to be civil to them, but that is as far as it goes.
This year, for the first time in 17 years, his parents are spending Christmas in the UK with Mr B's sister in Croydon. This presents a very real dilemma for me. I don't want to spend Christmas Day with them. I also know that Mr B has not had Christmas with his family in 17 years. Still, this year I win. And Mr B agrees (he's a darling man).
Two Christmasses ago, my parents set off on their Christmas Hols (much like Dad is doing next week), to spend Christmas in Australia with my brother and his family. Mr B and I were delighted for them, and looking forward to spending time on our own over Christmas.
Sadly, Mom fell ill and was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in Australia, and returned to the UK to start palliative chemotherapy on Christmas Eve. It was a Christmas tinged with sadness, although Mom was very brave and we had a beautiful day together. A cherished time. Last year, we invited Dad to stay with us over the Christmas period. It was a poignant time, our first Christmas without Mom. How things had changed.
So, when Dad announced he was going to Australia for Christmas this year, we couldn't have been happier for him, and us. His grandchildren in Australia are adorable, and although we Skype often, they can't wait to have Grand Dad with them for Christmas. They have been so grown-up too, in understanding where Granny has gone. It will be lovely for them. We feel relieved, the pressure is off us. We can have a couple of lazy days, enjoying the time of year and each other, preparing for the New Year.
Except for the in-laws. They are being very demanding about our presence on Christmas Day. I feel sick when I think about it. There is no way that they will be able to fill the gap left by my mother. And after much haranguing by Mr B's sister, I cried. I'm embarrassed, but at least they know how I feel. Hopefully, that will be the end of the matter.
Selfish? Maybe. But when you grieve, you must do it your way. Don't be swayed by what others think is best for you. And this Christmas, it's all about healing us.