Autumn colours

Mom always enjoyed the autumn colours on her birthday. She would have been 70 today. We will be going for a walk in the woods later, to enjoy the colours and to celebrate.

Mom's cancer was aggressive. The first round of chemotherapy gave her a couple of extra months. She couldn't tolerate the second round of chemo. The cancer fought back hard against the drugs and made her extremely ill. Our wonderful consultant gently suggested that Mom should stop the treatment and enjoy her last few months without intervention.

We had excellent palliative care at home. Mom didn't want hospice care. Our community nursing team helped us throughout. Mom's choice, respected.

Mom died on her own terms, in her own time, in her own home. She had time to say goodbye. She had time to plan her funeral. We had time to love her unconditionally and talk about how we would remember her.

And we do remember her. Every day. Not just today.

In Memory Of ... Quilt

A few weeks ago, a tweet caught my eye. The tweeter is a thoughtful person, considerate in her blogging, and kind in her comments. I was intrigued by the title 'In Memory Of ...' Quilt. Now, I am not a quilter. I can barely sew. But, as I read Julie's story and the inspiration for her memorial project, I had an idea of how I could participate, in memory of my mother, who died too young, almost three years ago.

This is the story of my square.

When I turned 16, I had reached a rite of passage for girls in the family. The right to go down to Chinatown and choose an ornate, carved wooden kist. This kist would be with me for ever, my own precious memory box. It was Granny's tradition. Each of her three daughters had received a kist on their 16th birthday, and in turn each of her three female grand children received the precious gift.

Also on my 16th birthday, my mother gave me a down comforter, covered in moth-eaten pink satin. It had belonged to my paternal grandmother. Mom and I went to the fabric shop to choose new material to re-cover it. I chose a midnight blue velvet, and I still love the feel of it. Mom did a fine job, even covering the buttons. The blue velvet remains as vibrant as ever. 

Mom was very thrifty, and gave me the left over fabric. 'Put it in the kist', she said. 'You never know when you might need it'. I can still hear her voice.

So I did put it into the kist, and last week, Julie's project sparked a memory. I unpacked the kist, and there it was. Perfect as the day it went in. Blue velvet for my quilt square.

Mom loved beads. She was a colourful woman, and always co-ordinated her beads with her clothes. On the day of her funeral, Mom's sister took most of the beads, leaving me with just a few of my favourites. They sit in Mom's little bead box, unworn, but admired most days.

Julie, thank you for the opportunity to get creative in memory of my mother, Vivienne; she will always be in my heart.

I look forward to seeing the quilt of love and memories. Julie and I are cross-posting today - we hope you will join in the memorial quilt project.

Photography by Lesley Beeton

The chair

Please don’t sit in her chair,

It makes me ache that she is not here.

Two Christmasses gone,

Her place at the table will never be forgotten.

I know you are a nice person,

Not wanting to hurt me –

But when I see you sitting there,

You tear a little piece from my heart.